All About TC

Since the creation of this blog will mean the abandonment of the 'More Ramblings' blog - here are the highlights from it. Most of you coming here will have already read all of these, so you can skip this whole section.... But wait, there isn't much else to read - yet. Stay posted.

The Puppy and the Prima Donna
And so starts the chronicle of a new life and new friends. It has been about eight months since I took the plunge into the big bad city, terrified of being unable to make friends and of dying from temperatures guaranteed to signal the new ice age. My first real winter has drawn to a close, chased away by unfailing optimism and a sun that is slowly recovering from being ‘broken.’ Through the warm April showers that drench our journey into May, comes the time of reflection, of looking back at the good times and the bad, at the sitcom of our lives today. Somewhere in the last four months, I was forced to grow up and take things a little more seriously. But that doesn’t stop the laughter and silliness that characterizes the relationships here, the same as they did with the people before. And so, I try to give you snapshots of each of the people who have touched my lives here and who have pulled me through possibly the worst time of my life. As usual, alphabetical order is best, although names shall be kept out. First comes the strongest shoulder and the steadiest presence. Also the person I know the least, yet possibly fear the most. Yes, he intimidates me – always has and always will. With a hair trigger temper and the same streak of madness that inhabits one of his roommates, he also comes with the best hugs and a comforting presence that is unmatched. Both detached and involved in the group, I never realized how much he was a part of my life until he left for two weeks and we all missed him unbearably. A part of the group was missing, and he brought back some life with him. From 3am conversations, to soup when I was ill and ice cream when my computer died, I can’t come close to imagining this group without him. Next comes the Prima Donna – lifted straight out of some soap opera. Tall and beautiful, obsessed with clothes, shoes and makeup, yet very intelligent – it’s enough to make you throw up and curse the unfairness of it all. Yet, she comes with generosity and loyalty, she will wake up after three hours of sleep to come hold your hand when your world tilts, will look for every way to make things better – unless of course there is a TV show to watch :-). Then comes the puppy – although I might have to edit that title out before he reads it. Hyper, funny, horrendously smart, a wiseass and a good friend – he is the freak show of the group. Any day could find him either so hyper that its like talking to a 5-year old on crack, or can find him reflective and introspective. With a great music collection and a voracious appetite for books, he is also a great hand-holder and conversationalist. And I keep going back for more of the freak show, despite being the person who is supposed to quell the freakiness. And finally – well, the label on this one has changed many times over the last eight months. From being ‘one of the boys,’ to a partner in crime, to a great friend, to being purely entertaining, this is the person who I look forward to seeing the most. If more than two days pass without a word or a visit, things seem incomplete. Stories are saved up to be shared, complaints are traded and yes, he is the only other person who can come close to understanding my geeky obsession with my computer. There is also the shared evilness that is necessary in my close friends – nice people are just so boring. The puzzle here is his need to keep parts of his life separate, don’t quite understand that. That brings his new label - the mundane mystery man.There are many other people that come in and out of my life on a daily basis, who matter, whom I care about – but these are the people that touch my life every day, without whom I might not have made it through this year. So they shall feature in the soap opera of my life in New York.

Two More
Having been reminded of the omission of two people from the ‘first episode,’ it is time to rectify that mistake and introduce more of the characters in the drama of TC. Their previous omission and this later introduction does not make them secondary characters in our endless saga – rather they are just later additions to the inner circle (for a discourse on circles of friendship – refer my other blog). Unfortunately for these two – the labels don’t come as easily. While the best labels come from first impressions, that doesn’t work as well here. So one shall be called the wiseass and the other… well I don’t know yet. Still working on that one. Well, lets start with the latter and maybe the label will evolve out of her description. First impressions – rude. But we got over that quickly enough. Well ok, we can now magnanimously admit that it was an inaccurate first impression, and she maybe isn’t rude ;). A friendship that has gradually developed over the last few months, I gnash my teeth at the guy I introduced her to, who now monopolizes her. Well not all the time, but its fun to blame him. Anyway, she has this cut crystal way of talking that stands out the most in my mind – quick and precise, every syllable perfectly enunciated but so quickly that you are left with an impression of sharply defined sentences. Which is paradoxical when compared with the hint of a southern accent that appears when least expected. She can be hysterically funny, appears to be practical to a fault, and best of all – is blissfully drama-free. She has become a surprisingly good friend and I miss the weekly lunches (that never quite became the norm, but came close). Hmmm…still no label. She might actually escape that – dammit!Now for the wiseass. She is hysterical. Really, that should be all I need to say about her and it would encapsulate almost everything…almost. Despite the laughter guarantee that comes with her, she is also a great friend. I’ve lost track of the number of late night conversations over the last couple of months, and for the life of me I can’t remember what most of them were about. Family? Friends? Movies, books, music? That god-awful medically related conversation that has since been repressed? All that and much more. She has become a sounding board, a shoulder to cry on, a ear to complain into and …. oh yeah and the laughter guarantee. The last few months could have been pretty unbearable without her. :)And so, maybe the introductions are over now and we can move into the stories. Except for the fact that that involves actually writing them. Maybe I should actually focus on all those papers that are due next week instead

The Table that used to be….
Scene – Light wood square table that sits in the ‘dining area’ of a dorm suite. Kitchen to one side, hallway leading to bedrooms to the other. Walls on the remaining two sides – one with a mildly tattered map of the United States, the other with a poster of a Japanese painting from the Met. Harsh white lighting overheard. Tile floors. Day 1: End of orientation at graduate school. At the hall meeting that followed, the four of us met and eventually ended up around the table, setting the stage for many, many evenings at the same place. Who knew that that table would become the center of all our lives? Many many memories of the last year feature that table. - Sitting around it one Saturday night and playing taboo instead of going out. If I remember right, it was too cold to go out. - Eating the oddest collection of food. Everything from potato bread and apricot jam, to octopus (?), feta and some sort of olives spread. - Endless conversations- Being shushed in the middle of the night by irate suitemates. - Beer (yuck)- The most sinful chocolate cake with a raspberry filling and chocolate frosting- A party- More conversations- More beer (yeach!) - Pizza from across the street. - Recovering at 4am from too much drinking. Trying not to giggle and wake up the aforementioned irate suitemates. - Chocolate on the table, donated by some kind soul. - Card games- Pre-partying (many nights) before going out on the town. Sometimes the pre-partying ended up being more fun.
- Many more that have momentarily slipped my mind, and hopefully many more to come. Over time, small changes have occurred. A poster of LOTR torn from a bus stop has been taped above the Japanese art, and the map has gotten more tattered and now sports some writing as people have marked the towns they are from that the map has omitted. But the biggest changes have happened in the last few months. As some of the suitemates moved out – the center of the action moved into one of the empty rooms, temporarily converted into a living room of sorts. In the recently neglected common area, the table has been moved aside as new acquisitions have filled the space. A couch, a couple of chairs, and a rolled up rug (?). Yet, while the physical space has changed, not much else has. And whenever I get nostalgic for that table – I stop and realize that the living room is far more comfortable, and even in the common area - the couch beats the table any day. :-)

Beginnings
A new year, a new schedule and the prevalence of a sort of chaos leaves little time to reflect on what was, and what now is. Midterms are almost over and everything still seems a little unsettled. The new dynamics haven’t settled down yet, and on my part at least – there really hasn’t been much of a routine. But its been more than a year since we all moved to the big bad city – so there is plenty of material to think about.The best place to start is at the beginning, with the first meeting and the first friends. This is probably the third time I am sitting down to write this particular story, each previous attempt getting derailed by the second paragraph. I don’t know why I feel that without this first story, the narrative cannot continue. So rather than analyze that – lets go back about 14 months. The first couple of days here were spent in a bit of a daze, with every new person being scrutinized as a possible friend. At the end of day three, there was a hall meeting at which the four of us met, starting a group that was to expand over the next year. We moved from the hall meeting up to the table that became the center of our activities. Looking back now, I remember being excited about the idea that three other people from my hall were also in my program. Yet, I also remembered being somewhat bored and leaving within an hour. Somehow, despite my lack of enthusiasm, we all went on to be friends. There have been a few times since when we have reflected on that first meeting, and the dynamics that were to determine some of our interactions for the next few months. Two of the four, immediately stood out as the extroverts while the other two seemed more content to sit back and watch. That dynamic slowly changed over time – I can’t speak for everyone, but over time I warmed up to some of the more outgoing members and through a gradual process of familiarization reached a point where I stopped comparing every dynamic of the new group with friendships from before. I always think it’s odd that I can usually always remember the very first time I met someone, especially someone who then went on to be a good friend. Yet, the period of time between that first meeting, and the time when that person has become that good friend always seems a little hazy. If I try and think very hard about it – I remember moments after that first meeting where we all were hanging out, or going out – but the timeline is somewhat blurred. I don’t know what it was that resulted in the friendships that we have developed today. I remember a concert in the Park, making pancakes one morning (or was it closer to lunch), a couple of phone calls, the realization that I needed these three people on speed dial on my phone, and many many nights out. But somewhere along the way it became more than a group of four, and developed into individual friendships that transcended the group. And so it began. This was the group that became the center of my life for the first 6 months or so. Everything I did was with at least one or more members of that core group. Yet, as time passed more members were added to the group. We met new people, made new friends and expanded our borders. The people I see the most today might not be the same three people, but there is a sense of comfort that comes from the idea that the core still exists in some form. That form might have warped significantly, but it remains. And it is still – just down the hall.

Hanging Out
So I was just watching 'That 70's Show' and the theme song just seemed so appropriate for the many many many nights we have just...hung out.
Hanging out
Down the street (hall)
Same old thing
We did last week
Not a thing to do
But talk to you
We're all alright
We're all alright

Does this ring any bells for anyone else? Does this not sound like our life - most evenings? :)

Parties
Does a bunch of people going to a bar count as a party? I don’t think so. But then again – living in the big bad city means that more often that not, we are at a bar rather than at anyone’s house. People don’t throw parties the way they did in college, at least not if you live in a city. Most of my social memories of college are from some party or the other, either at a frat or at an apartment. Since we didn't live ina city, we didn't really have much of a choice if we wanted to party. But here – the choices are limitless, which is what makes those few parties so unforgettable. That and all those other things that happened ;-). So we shall focus this 'episode' on just the parties and the leave the numerous bar stories for another day. Most of the parties were thrown by the boys. Which usually meant lots of people (girls), lots of alcohol and lots of pictures. I remember some dancing at the first party, but after someone spilt their drink all down my back, I gave that up. There was the funky outfits, the headdress and the beer funnel (?), and of course, my speakers (I was so proud). There are many pictures from that party and many stories to be told. Not all qualify as dirt but some of those events are so distant now, that it almost seems questionable to bring it all up again. Almost. So – lets see. What did happen? Well…there was some action that happened. One such piece of action gave some of us a code word and a joke about gummy bears that still comes up every now and then. Another caused a little grief, but it ended up being small and fleeting, thankfully. And then there was the chance of action that was cut short by an episode of hurling. Yucky! But that was the party number one. The second party was somewhat tamer. Partly because it wasn’t in the suite, but in a more common area (thanks to losers who complained about the noise from the first one). I wasn’t in much of a mood to party for the second one, but I did enjoy the little time I spent there. The rest of it was spent in conversations just outside the party area. But my speakers did do very well again. :-) Did meet some interesting people that night – friends of the host. But no real dirt. Well none that shall be revealed anyway. That brings us to party number three. Was there dirt? Hmmm…odd – the most recent party, and the one I don’t really remember. Maybe because of all those shots on no dinner. Yeah – that would do it. I remember hanging out with some friends I had invited. I remember lots of hats floating around, the ‘I only sleep with democrats’ pin, my speakers (oh so proud), and some partially blurry conversations. Dirt??? Hmmm – maybe I should have left this particular episode till we graduated. Then all might be revealed. There was also this one night were there was lots of drinking and hanging out and singing and dancing on chairs. That was more of a pre-party (for a birthday), since it all got moved to a bar, but if I remember right the pre-party lasted over an hour. So I think that counts. I’m also voting to add that night in due to the certain events that resulted in our first (?) bonafide couple. Yeah definitely counts. So those are the parties that count – till today. There are more to come and I have no doubt that there will be more stories to tell by the end of the year. Can’t wait!

Wha….?
So after three conversations about friendship in the last week, I have been prompted to return to this – my neglected chronicle of life in grad school. Where did I leave off? What haven’t I told you about. So much….sigh. But be happy that none of my stories will follow along the lines of Tucker Max. At least, not the ones I choose to tell you about ;) But there haven’t been any real stories to talk about. Either that, or there is a lot going on that I don’t know about. Chances are high it’s the latter, but on that final day of reckoning, when all the dirt shall be revealed – well there probably won’t be much to tell. Especially with certain people snooping and finding things out before they should. :-) But we are drawing close to the end of our time here, in the sanctuary that college continues to be. The big bad world is beckoning. Some of us have already answered the call and moved on to those great jobs and the new apartments. Others are still trying to figure out what’s calling, and some of us (including me) are desperately avoiding the inevitable. One of us has chosen to stay in school (coward ;)) and beat off the real world indefinitely. But it is time to accept that the time is coming when we will disperse and be scattered to different corners of the country or even the globe. The question is, and continues to be, how much will that change the relationships and friendships that started here. Will we continue to turn to each other? Will our jokes still be funny? Will we stay in touch or be reduced to polite emails once a month? I like to think that time doesn’t matter (yes that philosophy is doing a lot of damage to my life and job search), and that no matter the distance that separates us, and the time that will elapse before we meet again – things will stay roughly the same. I will still expect to see the same goofiness that characterizes some of my friends, the introspection, dedication, self-absorption (?), humor and honesty that characterizes others. Yes, I might be disappointed, but after two years out of undergrad, I am happy to say that little has changed. So I will hope that this set of friends and these bonds will remain unbreakable.

You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello
Today I said goodbye to a friend. She is the first to go, to leave the big bad city for the sanctuary of another city. It seems to truly mark the beginning of the end. But, too much of what we talk about these days is about what is going to happen ‘after.’ Where are we going to be? Who has what job? What will happen in a little over two months. So despite the fact that her departure has prompted a rare moment of introspection, I would rather fill in some gaps about people here, rather than dwell on what will be. There are two more people who need to be mentioned as much of what I do these days tends to be with one of these two (or both). One of them – you might already know. One of my best friends in college, she continues to remain so even after moving here a year after I did. While it sometimes feels like the two of us are executing a carefully choreographed dance around each other, at other times the friendship seems so seamless that no amount of time or distance could change any part of it. It also seems to be a friendship that has grown more comfortable with new locations and situations – and with the certainty that nothing changes. A weeklong road trip with her might have been cause for some trepidation two years ago, but now is something to look forward to. Yes, there is still so much I don’t understand about her, and so much that I am astonished about on an almost weekly basis...although much of that revolves around nerves or insecurities that I can't bring myself to understand. But oh well - if I can't understand after six years, I might as well give up already. The other person is new – or relatively so. She started as a co-worker and became a friend. A shared passion for West Wing and the Beatles is only the tip of what could be an almost scary level of similarity. Random conversations about TV shows, childhood memories and Christmas presents all reveal strange coincidences in experiences, likes and dislikes that were developed at opposite ends of the world. She is funny, straightforward, sometimes shy, always dependable and easily convinced to procrastinate with me. Very nice :) Especially as she could be a potential roommate after we graduate.

New York, NY
Tonight was one of those quintessential NY nights. Not quintessential in the poor, grad student sense of the word (which would probably involve a couple of beers at a local bar, other nefarious substances, and a $3 movie at the student union), but one of those cultural New Yorky nights that happen rarely, but make me feel that I actually am doing the kinds of things one should be doing in New York. And the best part of the night - it was CHEAP!Started off the night by leaving class early (always fun), and then getting all dolled up (sometimes fun), and then going to the opera! Yes - don't rub your eyes, and stop gaping - I actually went to the opera! Before you are done gaping, I should probably throw in the fact that I also enjoyed it. My former boss and friend who now works for NYCO, got us a couple of comps to La Fanciulla del West (The Girl of the Golden West) by Puccini. As she put it, the two biggest pluses for this particular opera is that it is in Italian and under three hours long. It was also cheesy without being melodramatic - also a plus. But, the sheer entertainment value came out of the fact that it was a Western about cowboys and gold miners in California - and they were singing Italian. The incongruity between the cowboy hats and the Italian arias was particularly striking right at the end when they lament having to leave California - in Italian. But, all jokes aside - it was fun! I felt all civilized and cultured, like 'a real person with a real job' as my friend put it. The night didn't end there. Since we were all dressed up and the night was still young, we decided to go to Cafe Lalo. For those of you that have never heard of it, one of the scenes from 'You've Got Mail' was filmed there (the scene where they are to meet for the first time and he sees who she is and then doesn't tell her who he is, but makes her night miserable instead :-)). Anyway - it has also some great desserts, so after some Crème Brulee - it officially was a great New York night. But then the chariot turned into a pumpkin and we had to wait for over 20 mins for the subway. Now, back in PJ's, in the poor grad student dorm room, all I have is a ticket stub to remind me of the pretty NY night. :)