Brokers

Finally - today marks day 6 in our brand new apartment. Whew. I was beginning to think it would never happen. But suddenly, in the space of a few days, we found the perfect apartment and signed the lease within 48 hours.
For months I listened to stories from friends who were apartment hunting, stories that ranged from total horror to a sealed deal in less than a week. Opinions about finding an apartment in New York similarly ranged from it being a breeze, to 'start looking 2 months in advance'. Through it all, the idea of using a broker never appealed to me, especially with a broker fee invariably attached. Yet, as we actually started the apartment hunt we discovered that Craigslist - the bastion of non-broker apartments - was now littered with broker postings. For the areas we were interested in, finding a non-broker posting proved to be practically impossible. So when we found the posting that sounded too good to be true, we swallowed the bitter pill of seeing an apartment from a broker and let it happen. As it turned out the apartment was in fact EXACTLY what we were looking for, and by the end of the following day we had signed the lease and paid enough in fees and security deposits to ensure a diet of cereal for the next month. But - the saga wasn't over, and I have waited until it was signed, sealed and delivered before posting this - because, at the end of the day, I had to try and capture the caricature our broker turned out to be and the farce that was the process of actually getting the keys to the apartment. My roommate was first showed the apartment by what sounded like a nice man, retired, working part time at the brokers. It wasn't until later that day, when the details about putting down the deposit for the apartment and putting together all the paperwork started that I started to realize the horror it was going to be. It was at that point that the nice man stopped being our primary contact at the agency and She-Devil took over. The broker who ran the place was out of town, and her daughter was running the show in her absence. After several hours of phone calls coordinating all the paperwork they required and sorting through the very contradictory instructions we were given, we showed up at the office anticipating signing the lease and being out of there in less than 30 mins. The first sign that all would not go well was the sight of the daughter sitting amidst piles of paper trying to sort out our credit checks. We tactfully pointed out that all the paperwork was numbered which should make the sorting easier, which resulted in a litany about how organized we were and how incompetent everyone else was and how this wasn't her job and she had her stomach stitched a while ago and lost so much weight, and bought this amazing ring and oh-by-the-way you have to sign some papers. An hour and a half later, we left in exhaustion, after witnessing a fight between her and her husband, learning that her husband had failed his broker test, and lots of snippy comments from the other guy that worked there.
But we had signed a lease and handed over out bank accounts. We anticipated smooth sailing after that (not having learned a thing), and instead endured two weeks of phone calls to organize the apartment being painted prior to our arrival. But of course, on the day we moved - nothing had been painted and we walked into the same multi-colored apartment we had first seen. Of course the painters showed up after we arrived, and of course we didn't have mailbox keys and of course there were all kinds of other problems, but we now knew to expect it all. But - it has been two weeks and we have settled in. All is well - as long as I NEVER have to see or hear from the brokers again. I am never moving out of this apartment - ever!